A little less crazy than I should be...
It’s a miracle really. Everyone keeps telling me I should be nuts but somehow I still manage to maintain.
Sure, I can come across like a real asshole sometimes. It’s just that I am so tired of the bullshit. I didn’t start out this way though. I was really a pretty sensitive kid. I remember when I was in third grade and our family dog died. I was devastated for days over it. I couldn’t stop crying. Maybe it was the fact that it was the last link to my family as a whole. The family I knew before my dad took off on us. Maybe I was just a sensitive kid. Either way I didn’t think I would ever get over it.
I’m still pretty soft hearted now despite my rough demeanor. I’m the guy that is always looking to help someone. I love the way I feel when I give something that is immeasurable. Giving of your self is truly remarkable and it always makes me feel truly accomplished.
There was a time of course when this wasn’t the case. A time when all that life had saddled me with was weighing me down. I felt like a pack mule that had been overloaded and struggled to take each step on its way down an impassable canyon. I prayed for peace and was sent to war. I prayed for love and was taught to hate. I wanted acceptance and was exiled. It seemed like no matter what I did life just kept knocking me down.
I finally had enough. I stopped being angry and instead got mad. I got mad at myself, my family at God. I just got mad. I shook off all of those burdens and used the scars that life had left me with as armor to stand against anything else life would throw my way. I figured I had already been beaten, abandoned and abused so many times that no matter how hard life hit next it would seem like a glancing blow.
Sure it’s been tough since then. I have loved deeply and lost that love. I have made a small fortune and pissed it away. I even had a job most people would think only existed in their dreams and walked out to chase a dream of my own. The key is to keep going no matter what. No matter what they say. No matter how hard you get hit. No matter how much you want to quit. Just keep going. There is no end just a better right now.